Keys to Success
I have a confession to make. I have a hard time not comparing where I am with where I think I should be, or what I see others have, what they are doing, and what my perception is of their achievements. Call it what you will: insecurity, comparison, imposter syndrome. Probably it’s a little of all of it.
But thinking about this recently I realized that, for me, a lot has to do with a lack of clarity around my own goals, where I am coming from and where I want to go. As women we spend so much of our lives thinking about and focused on all the things we “should be” that we are not yet. The problems we must solve in ourselves to achieve those things we think we should achieve or become what we think we are supposed to be.
As a personal trainer and coach on top of everything else it can be so easy for me to fall into this trap. I am constantly bombarded with fitness magazines and IG accounts and advertisements calling my attention to what I should want or should be or should want to be. When you are trying to carve out your own space, and help people achieve their goals it can be so tempting to fall into the trap of putting yourself into other people’s lanes, not your own.
And why? Well, I don’t quite know the answer to that, but I do firmly believe that the keys to overcoming that pull toward a comparison mindset is to be so clear on who you are, where you want to go and what you want to achieve. Knowing your own lane.
What follows are a few (okay, six) keys I have found helpful that I wish I would have understood earlier in achieving my own health and fitness goals.
Keys to Success:
Get Clarity
Start Small
Celebrate Success
Find Your Community
Be Yourself
Have Fun!
1) Get Clarity
A dear friend and mentor I have known since college regularly liked to share this quote: “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail”. These words often ring in my ear when trying to accomplish something.
To me this actually needs to start one step earlier to be accurate. To the planning you must add: “If you don’t know where you are going, no amount of planning will get you there.”
What is your end goal, and why do you want to achieve it? What is your motivation, and how will you know that you have been successful? How do you best stay focused and accountable? Once you know the goal and why you want to achieve it, that’s when the planning becomes imperative.
If you are struggling to get started or stay motivated once you do start, you might not have a planning problem. You may just have a clarity problem.
2) Start Small
Once I know where I want to go, I can easily get overwhelmed because I feel like I have to implement everything at once or get there yesterday! In our world of instant gratification, we all want the quick fix.
But think about this. If someone who is not a runner decides they want to run a marathon, they wouldn’t go out and run 26 miles on the first day. That would be ridiculous and probably dangerous. Without a plan to get to 26 miles from where they are now, I would imagine feeling extremely overwhelmed and discouraged. That is why training plans break it down – taking one step at a time and incrementally adding distance and mileage. (As a side note, they also include weeks where you drop the mileage to provide a break for your body and reduce the potential for injury, but that’s a topic for another day!)
All big goals are achieved incrementally, one small step at a time. Building any new habit must be approached this way - smaller is always better to begin. When you do this, you put in place the building blocks that add up to the big thing.
What is so tricky about starting small and building new habits daily is that you don’t see the change you want immediately. Often it feels like that one thing will not make a difference. But what is more achievable and sustainable and likely to succeed? Putting one foot in front of the other each day, or drastically changing everything all at once?
If you tend to lean toward the quick fix only to disappoint yourself by not being able to accomplish everything promised, or seeing those hard fought results melt away as soon as you stop doing the things you can’t possibly maintain in the long run, why not try a new approach and start small with one thing you can commit to doing daily.
3) Celebrate Success
Anyone who knows me, knows that I am an avid movie quoter. Typically these quotes are obscure lines from obscure 80s or 90s movies, one of my all time favorites being Better Off Dead, an early John Cusack movie. Perhaps it’s that, to this day, John Cusack is my biggest movie crush ever or perhaps it’s just the oddball weirdness that is Better Off Dead, but it’s just so quotable. Regardless of the reason, there is one line that comes to me often, particularly when I feel I am having trouble getting anywhere:
“I think all you need is a small taste of success, and you will find it suits you.”
Have you ever tried to stay motivated when you feel like a failure? I don’t know about you, but for me it’s damn near impossible. It sounds trite, but that line just resonates with me – a taste of success, no matter how small, can help change your trajectory, if only because your mindset has changed.
The beauty of starting small and having a path to get where you want to go is that you have many steps along the way you can celebrate success. Setting smaller, more attainable goals that lead to that one big goal keep you focused on the positive. And that feeling of success snowballs. It’s amazing how it happens, but focusing on the success rather than your failures can lead to more success.
So celebrate each success along the way, no matter how small. Focus on the things you have achieved and not your failures. If you are clear on your goals and the steps to get there, you will have many reasons to celebrate. And when you do have moments when you fail or lose track, let it be a moment you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and reflect on all the successes.
4) Find Your Community
I’ve heard it said “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future”. Life is definitely more fun with friends. When you are trying to make changes or build new habits, it is so important to find at least one friend or supporter who understands your goals and can help encourage you to reach them. If you want to exercise more frequently, it is so much easier to do this if you have people who see the value in that rather than questioning it.
Whether it’s an accountability partner or a community of people with similar goals, having encouragement around you can mean the difference between failure and success in accomplishing your goals.
5) Be Yourself
The flip side to finding community is that it is so important not to compare where you are to where someone else is. Your goals do not have to be another person’s goals, and your path to get there will not necessarily be the same as anyone else’s. You are you, I am me and they are them.
I mentioned earlier that this can be so difficult for me – that desire to compare myself and think that I have failed because what I do and where I am is not where I think I should be based on what I see other people doing. It takes a conscious effort to remind myself that I do not need to be anywhere other than where I am, and my goals and what I want to accomplish does not have to be the same as anyone else.
As soon as we start comparing where we are and what we have or have not accomplished to where another person is, we lose sight of what is important. The focus becomes negative and it is then so easy to tear ourselves apart, or want to tear others down. I want to be someone who is always happy and ready to encourage others when they succeed. To keep my eyes up and focused on what is good. It is counterproductive to getting where we want to go to compare ourselves.
So be you. You are exactly what and where you need to be at this moment.
6) Have Fun
Life is too short to always be taken so seriously. Creating a healthier lifestyle and focusing on moving your body, getting strong, eating healthy, taking care of yourself – these are all very important things. But it does not have to be so serious, painful or stressful.
Find things you enjoy doing and make that part of your exercise routine. If you hate running – don’t run. What could possibly keep you consistent and motivated if you find running to be the most abhorrent activity on the planet?
If you are having trouble finding success, I am here for you. Let me help you think through your goals, and what might be holding you back from finding success.
